


The Second First Time

by mischiefmanager



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Boys In Love, Fluff, M/M, Netflix and Chill, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-09-13 14:08:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9127108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mischiefmanager/pseuds/mischiefmanager
Summary: First Chapter: The party in Red Hook (Philip's POV)Second Chapter: The afterparty alone in Philip's bedroom (Lukas's POV)





	1. The Party

The party in Red Hook has already started by the time they arrive. Lukas carefully locks his broken dirt bike outside—Philip kind of loves the way he takes care of the bike as if it still works—and they walk inside.

It's really crowded. Philip sees familiar and unfamiliar faces—some from school, mostly not, couples dancing and making out in corners, a table full of drinks in bowls. Lukas grabs Philip's hand and makes for the drink table, dragging Philip behind him. 

"Hey," he asks a girl standing near the drinks, "any of this not spiked?" She shrugs. 

Lukas grabs two cups. "Tap water it is."

They wander around in search of the kitchen. Philip feels warm all over—Lukas is taking care of him, has been taking care of him for a month. He caught Philip with a bottle of vodka a week after his mom's death and he threw it out, and since then he's made it his personal crusade to keep alcohol away from him. "You don't need to get drunk dude," he'd said, "I'm gonna keep you happy."

Lukas fills both cups with water and hands one to Philip. He drinks it all—pushing a freaking dirt bike to Red Hook has made him thirsty. Lukas grabs the empty cup and refills it, hands it back to him—as though leaving it empty for any length of time will tempt Philip to fill it with spiked punch or something. He doesn't need to worry though—Philip doesn't feel like drinking. 

They go back to the living room and approach a couch full of people.

"Dude," Lukas says to a couple who are sitting on top of each other (Philip is pretty sure he's seen them at school before), "lemme sit there. I got shot."

Philip tries not to laugh—he said it so blandly, like it's a pass for anything, and the couple don't even glare at him as they vacate their spot. Philip is about to mention that there's not enough room for both of them to sit when Lukas plops down, grabs Philip's arm and pulls him into his lap. 

Philip is stunned into immobility for a second, then continues to be still out of awkwardness. What does Lukas want him to do? Should he turn to face him and put his arms around him? Should he sit back up, was that an accident—no, Lukas definitely meant to do that. Before he can think much more about it, Lukas wraps his arms around Philip's waist and rests his chin on Philip's shoulder. Philip tentatively puts his arms over Lukas's. 

People are slowly noticing. The guy next to them on the sofa leaves, but Lukas makes no move to depose Philip from his lap. In fact, he tightens his grip as if to say "don't you even think about getting up."

It's painfully obvious who is talking about them and who isn't. Some people are shooting furtive glances in their direction and whispering fast—Philip can almost perfectly imagine what they're saying. 

"Don't look over there but there's a guy sitting in another guy's lap on the couch."

"Wait, what?"

"Shhh! I said don't look."

"Is that—is that Lukas Waldenbeck?"

"Oh my God, I think it is."

"Is he drunk? I thought he just got here, how can he be drunk already?"

"I dunno. He must be."

Philip knows Lukas is aware of the whispering. He can tell Lukas is trying incredibly hard to be nonchalant about this, but his muscles are tense and hard and he looks ready to fight the first person who approaches them.  

Which turns out to be a really meaty guy, tall and broad. Philip suspects the only reason he's brave enough to come forward is that he's a little buzzed—his face is pink. He stops a couple feet short of the couch, as if he's afraid to come closer in case the gay is catching. 

"Hey Waldenbeck," he says. 

"Sup Pete?" Lukas replies, removing his chin from Philip's shoulder just long enough to nod in the guy's direction before nuzzling back in. 

"Uh...who—who's your buddy here?" Pete asks. He pauses for a long time before the word "buddy," like he's not sure what term to use. 

"This is Philip Shea," Lukas says, "my boyfriend. He goes to my school."

 _Oh my God._ Lukas just called Philip his boyfriend. Philip isn't even sure they've ever called each other that. He's not even sure he knew they were boyfriends.

"You're gay now?" Pete blurts. 

Lukas glances to the side at Philip and his hands reach up to grab at Philip's pecs. "What the hell, dude?" he says, "I thought you were a girl!"

Philip bites his lip to keep from laughing. Lukas chuckles and drops his hands back to Philip's waist. Pete just stares.  

"Yeah man, I'm gay," Lukas clarifies.

"Since when?" Pete asks. 

"Since I was born," Lukas replies. His grip tightens around Philip's waist again.

"But I thought...weren't you going out with Rose?" Pete says, as though trying to reconcile this dichotomy in his head, "Does she know about this?"

"Yes I do," Rose's voice floats over from somewhere to their right, and Philip cranes his neck to locate her. He hasn't realized how quiet it's gotten—how many people are listening to them. It's a lot. 

Rose is standing between two guys who are clearly tripping over themselves to get her attention. One is tall, thin and blond, and Rose is leaning noticeably into his personal space. Philip wishes he could tell the other guy to stop wasting his time. 

"And you...you're okay with it?" Pete asks her. 

"Sure," she says, shrugging, "We broke up. It's not a big deal."

Rose turns back to her blond guy and Philip wants to hug her for being so cool and normal about this—after her reaction, if Pete says anything rude he'll look like an asshole. 

"So..." says Pete, "so...when we used to play basketball in gym, when we..."

"Dude, you're not my type," Lukas interrupts flatly. 

"Oh," says Pete—looking simultaneously relieved and offended, "what is your type?"

Lukas pretends to think for a moment, Philip turns to look at his face. Then he leans forward and presses his lips firmly against Philip's.

A couple people gasp. There are some giggles, some whispers. But Philip doesn't notice. The guy they were talking to—Paul, was it? –fades into the background. Lukas's lips are warm and wonderful and Philip closes his eyes, leaning into the kiss. Lukas is the only thing in the world and Philip reaches up to touch his face...and then Lukas pulls back gently and rests his forehead against Philip's. 

"You just kissed me," Philip breathes, "in front of everybody."

"Yeah," Lukas whispers. The word ghosts over Philip's lips.

"It doesn't matter what they think?" Philip asks. 

Lukas shakes his head. "What matters is you."

There are approaching footsteps and Philip resists opening his eyes until he hears Rose's soft voice. 

"Hey," she says. Her blond guy is hovering behind her, like if he lets her out of his sight some other guy might come up and whisk her off.

"Thanks," Philip tells her quietly, "for being so cool. It means a—a lot to— “

Rose waves off his gratitude like it's nothing. 

"Hey Rose," says Lukas, smiling warmly at her. 

The look she gives him makes Philip feel like the temperature in the room has dropped ten degrees. 

"Lukas," she says in a clipped tone, then turns on her heel and stalks away, her blond guy trailing along after her. 

Lukas looks as stunned as if she'd punched him in the face. 

"Dude," he says to Philip, "do you think she's still pissed at me?"

"Uh, yeah," Philip replies, not sure how he could've mistaken her feelings.  

"Why?" Lukas asks, looking genuinely bewildered. 

"You like...lied to her and cheated on her for months," Philip reminds him. 

"Yeah, _with you_. I said I was sorry," Lukas tells him, "and like, doesn't she know it wasn't about her?" 

"Hmm. Don't think that makes it any better," Philip points out. 

"I guess not," Lukas says, furrowing his brow. Philip knows that Rose's opinion matters to Lukas, whatever he says.

"She doesn't hate _you_ though," Lukas observes. There's a hint of accusation in his voice. 

" _I_ didn't do anything to her," Philip says, "and we're kind of like friends now, I think."

Lukas doesn't say anything. Philip thinks Rose probably just needs time, he thinks that if Lukas is nice and gives her space (and maybe grovels a little), she'll eventually come around. 

There's a moment of quiet.

"So, do you get how Deja vu works now?" Philip asks. 

"Kind of," Lukas says. 

"So like, if you were to kiss me again and it felt the same as last time, that would be Deja vu."

"Hmm," says Lukas, lowering his eyes to Philip's lips, "only one way to find out."


	2. The Second First Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lukas and Philip return from the Red Hook party to find that Gabe and Helen are out for the evening and they have the house to themselves.

"I still can't believe you actually did that," Philip laughs, shaking his head. 

"Yeah," Lukas agrees, smiling and tightening his grip around Philip's shoulders.

"People from school saw us making out,” Philip adds, unable to completely hide the note of nervousness in his voice, "It's going to be everywhere on Monday."

"I know," Lukas nods, and glances sideways at Philip. He looks radiant, happier than he has in a month. "Worth it."

Philip ducks his head a little and blushes, so Lukas does the logical thing and leans over and kisses him on his red cheek.

They're loitering outside Philip's front door. It's not that late—they left the party in Red Hook after about an hour because Philip hasn't even been out of the house for weeks and Lukas felt that that was enough socializing for them. Helen and Gabe probably aren't expecting them back for a while. Speaking of Helen and Gabe—

"Where's the truck?" Lukas asks, looking around. 

Philip shrugs and pulls out his phone. He hasn't looked at it all night. 

"Oh," he says, "they're out. 'Back at 11,' it says."

"I'll stay with you until they get home," Lukas promises before Philip can even ask. He knows Philip doesn't like being alone after everything that happened. Philip smiles at him and goes to unlock the door. 

"Help me put the bike away," Lukas says, "I know it's broken but I don't want it to get stolen too."

They store the bike in the shed, then make their way into the house and up to Philip's room. It's quiet for a moment. They haven't been completely alone since they...Lukas is acutely aware of it and he can tell Philip is too. 

"Want to watch something?" Philip asks him. 

"Sure." Lukas flops onto the bed and tries to act nonchalant. 

Philip lies down next to him and pulls up Netflix on his laptop. 

"What do you feel like?" he asks, leaning close to Lukas. Lukas can smell his shampoo. He feels like...not watching Netflix. 

"Anything's fine," he tells Philip, because it's true and if they're going to have to watch TV he could not care less what's on. 

After twenty minutes of "how about this?" and "sure," it becomes pretty clear that they're not going to actually watch anything. Philip has not looked at the screen for several minutes. He is staring down at Lukas's hand—Lukas has an arm around Philip's waist and is rubbing his forearm back and forth slowly. 

Philip snaps the laptop shut and places it on the bedside table. He leans forward, places a tentative hand on Lukas's cheek. They've kissed plenty of times since the motel, but nothing else. Like, his mom just freaking died. Lukas doesn't want to ask for more because he'll sound like an asshole if he brings it up. 

Apparently Philip isn't thinking about his mom right now—he slinks down in the bed in a clear invitation for Lukas to climb on top of him, which he does. Philip cranes his neck up to kiss Lukas and this is familiar. This is comfortable. _This is them._

Lukas kisses back. Philip has left no room for doubt about what kind of kiss this is—it's a full-body, complete with ass-grabbing and dry humping and breathless moaning, kiss. The best kind. Lukas responds enthusiastically—he prefers being on top and since he's finally healed enough to make it possible again he's eager to make up for all that time lying around on his back.

Philip pulls on Lukas's shirt, and when Lukas sits up to remove it, Philip discards his own shirt. Lukas hasn't seen him shirtless in a month and he takes a second to appreciate the lines and dips of Philip's body—his chest and shoulders and arms _(God those arms)_ and the hair on his lower belly. Philip touches him gently on the shoulder to get him moving again. 

After a few more minutes of desperate kissing, Philip reaches for the fly of Lukas's jeans and Lukas stops and takes a deep breath because he's going to finally have to admit to something he's been forced to come to terms with in the last couple of weeks and has avoided telling Philip. 

"Hey Philip," he says gently.

"Huh?" Philip breathes, and turns his head to look Lukas in the eye, "What's wrong?"

"I have to tell you something," Lukas whispers and that was the wrong thing to say because Philip absolutely stiffens and Lukas realizes that probably the last time he heard those words was right before he found out that his mom was dead. _Shit._

"It's not...it's not a big deal..." Lukas backtracks, smoothing his hands down Philip's arms and sitting up a little. Philip waits, still tense.

"So... you know how we like...we did it in the motel?" Lukas asks.

"Yeah?" Philip nods slowly. 

"So like, I was on a lot of painkillers...and there was so much shit that happened that day that like honestly, I think it was mostly the painkillers but I remember like freaking nothing."

Philip is quiet for a second, and then he bursts out laughing. Lukas was expecting anger. He's not sure why—it's Philip. Philip is never angry at him, even when he has every right to be. 

"Wait—are you serious?" Philip gasps. 

"Yeah," Lukas admits. 

"I had no idea you were so out of it—you were acting totally normal. You really don't remember anything about us having sex?"

"Not really. I mean, I remember that I wanted to and then it happened and I liked it but not how..."

"Oh," says Philip, catching on. 

"Yeah."

"Okay," Philip tells him, "it's okay. I know what to do now so I can just take you through it. That's kind of what happened last time anyway."

"How did you know what to do last time?" Lukas asks. He thought it had been Philip's first time too. 

"Internet," Philip answers immediately, "but you didn't ask me how I knew last time. You just went with it."

"Okay so what do I do?" Lukas asks. 

"You can start by getting naked," Philip tells him helpfully. 

"Wow," says Lukas, stepping out of his jeans and boxers, "thanks for the tip. Never would've guessed that one. How did..."

And then he shuts right up because Philip is suddenly naked too. And hard. And gorgeous. Lukas was saying something. Wasn't he?

"Speechless?" Philip asks, smiling. 

"Something like that," Lukas breathes. He realizes that he has unconsciously grabbed his dick and is just standing there squeezing himself like an idiot, so he lets go and crawls back onto the bed and between Philip's legs. 

"You were on top last time," Lukas observes, because he has a vague memory of Philip sitting on his crotch and it fits with him not being able to put weight on his right side. 

"Yeah, do you want to do it that way again?" Philip asks.

"Uh," Lukas hesitates because he doesn't know what way he wants to do it. He usually likes being on top when they're making out though, so maybe..."can we try it like this?"

"Sure," says Philip, because Philip is always so generous and so eager to please and trusting and Lukas is overwhelmed with a wave of emotion because he loves Philip so much and Philip deserves so much better than what Lukas can offer him. He's going to try his best though. 

"I don't know that much about this stuff but I'm pretty sure I don't just stick it in," Lukas says. He's thinks there was some prep last time, he just doesn't remember the details. 

"Yeah, no, please don't do that," Philip agrees, reaching into the bedside table and coming out with a bottle of lube, "you start with your fingers."

He hands Lukas the lube. Lukas pops the top and pours a drop onto his forefinger. 

"More," says Philip. He pours another drop. 

"More," says Philip again. Another drop. 

"Keep going."

"How about you just tell me when it's enough?" Lukas suggests. 

Philip nods, and Lukas slathers lube on his fingers. More, more...he feels like the waiter at a table waiting for a customer to decide when he's got enough Parmesan cheese on his pasta. It's never going to be enough. 

"Okay, that's probably good," Philip says after what feels like a year, and Lukas has emptied a sizable portion of the bottle onto his hand. He doesn't question it though. He'd probably ask for a lube suppository if someone was planning on sticking their fingers up _his_ ass. 

"What did we do for lube last time?" Lukas asks, "did you have some?"

"We used spit and whatever pitiful amount of lube was on that condom," Philip replies with a grimace, "and we learned never to do that again."

"Oh shit, did it hurt?" Lukas asks him immediately. The thought of Philip injured makes his chest tight.

"Like a bitch," Philip admits, "my ass was sore for days."

"You should've stopped me," Lukas tells him, "why did you let me keep going?"

"Because I wanted you to," Philip says simply, "start with one," and Lukas kneels between Philip's legs as he slides a finger in up to the first knuckle.

"Keep going," Philip instructs him. 

"It doesn't hurt?" Lukas checks. 

"Nah," says Philip, "I'm used to this."

"You do this to yourself?" Lukas asks. He's startled by how much he loves the mental image that pops into his mind of Philip jerking off this way. 

"Yeah," Philip nods, and Lukas files away a request for a demonstration for later. He goes in further. It's hot as fuck in there and tight and awesome and Lukas is having a really hard time not getting ahead of himself and imagining his dick in there. It's going to be...

"So you can like, move," says Philip, and Lukas realizes he's just been sitting there with his finger in Philip's ass not doing anything. 

"Just like, in and out?" he asks. 

"Yeah," Philip grabs his wrist and pushes and pulls to show him.

"Okay," says Lukas, and concentrates on doing what Philip said to. Philip closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, relaxing into the bed. 

"You can add another one now," he instructs. Lukas does so.

"Also you can like scissor them," Philip tells him, holding up his own hand and demonstrating the motion, "it helps loosen things up in there."

Lukas tries it.

"That's good," Philip tells him. It seems to be working well enough, but it's not like Philip is a panting, sweating mess right now. Lukas had kind of been hoping for a more explosive reaction. He places his other hand (which had been sitting uselessly on Philip's thigh for several minutes) onto Philip's dick and palms him, thinking that might help him along. Philip hums at the contact.

"Go a little deeper, if you can," Philip says, so Lukas sticks both fingers in as far as they will go, angles them up a bit and—

"Ohmygodrightthere," Philip groans out, as Lukas hits a bump in the upper wall. 

"Do this," Philip pants, crooking his fingers. Lukas does it. 

"That's—ohhhmygod," Philip says again. This is more like what he was banking on watching—Philip pushing his body down to meet Lukas's fingers, squirming and fisting the sheets and moaning, rocking his hips up rhythmically, pushing his dick harder into Lukas's hand. 

"One more," Philip groans, and Lukas adds a third finger, with a little more effort. Philip kind of cringes and Lukas removes the finger immediately. 

"Did that hurt?"

"Put it back in," Philip says, "just slow."

Lukas complies, slowly. He moves his fingers around—back and forth, in and out, parting them, twisting a little. He can feel the muscles surrounding the fingers relaxing—it's not nearly as tight a fit as it was before.

"I think we're good," Philip tells him after several minutes, "go ahead."

Lukas had not realized how close they were to actual sex—he's not sure what other steps he was expecting—but now that Philip has given him the green light to actually do it, he finds himself frozen to the spot. 

"Hey," Philip says gently, sort of sitting up. Lukas feels his fingers slide out. "You okay?"

Lukas nods woodenly. Philip leans across and grabs some tissues from the bedside table and begins to carefully wipe the lube off of Lukas's fingers. 

"We don't have to," Philip tells him softly, "it's okay. Do you want to?"

And then he remembers— _do you want to?_ It's exactly the way Philip said it in the motel, and then Lukas said _yeah_ because he wanted to so badly, and then Philip had asked if he was sure and he said _yes_ because he had never been more sure about anything. He loves Philip. He can't say it out loud yet, but he does. And he wants this. He's sure. That snaps him out of it. 

"Yeah, I'm good," he tells Philip earnestly, "I want to, just...just tell me what to do."

"Condom. More lube," Philip says because of course. Lukas pulls out the condom, rolls it on, then dumps like a third of the bottle of lube on the condom and rubs it all over.

Philip lies back on the bed and pulls his knees up to his chest, parts them. Lukas is not super surprised to discover that he's still as hard as he was when they started—watching Philip thrash around like that when he hit that bump had brought all the blood in his body rushing down into his dick. 

"Go in slow," Philip tells him breathlessly, and he's not sure if it's because Philip is turned on or because he's folded in half and can't get a full breath, or maybe it's a combination of the two things. Lukas positions himself and pushes in a fraction of an inch.

"Keep going," Philip coaxes, "slow."

Another fraction of an inch. It feels stiflingly hot in there compared with the cool air of Philip's bedroom.

He pushes in a little more, and feels the ridge between his head and shaft pop through.

"That was the hard part. You can go faster now," Philip tells him, and he slides the rest of the way in—not fast exactly, but not at the glacial pace he'd been going at before. And then he bottoms out and takes in the fact that he's literally balls deep in a guy's ass. It's absurd, but his only thought is _why has it taken so long to admit to himself that he wants to do this?_ He and Philip could've done this months ago if he hadn't been such a dick about the whole thing. It feels fucking amazing, and Lukas is an idiot. 

"Jesus," Lukas breathes out, dropping his head. The tips of his hair graze Philip's hand, which grips his knee tightly, "you okay?"

"I'm good," says Philip, "gimme a sec though."

Lukas waits patiently. Philip's eyebrows are furrowed and he's staring hard at the ceiling, breathing as deeply as the position allows.

"You can try moving—just go slow," Philip reminds him.

He pulls back a little and the movement feels so instinctive—the in and out—it's like his hips have always been waiting for him to exercise those muscles in that way. He pushes back in slightly. 

"Is that okay?" he asks Philip, who nods. 

Then Lukas remembers that bump he found earlier with his fingers. He wonders if he might be able to find it again with his dick. He pulls out halfway and tilts up a little, pushing in again slowly until—

"Do that again." Found it. 

Lukas drags himself back a little, and then pushes forward. Philip’s breath comes out in a soft “oh” and Lukas can tell he's loosened up considerably, enough that he thinks he can speed up a little. He thrusts shallowly, trying to keep pressure on the same spot. Philip starts losing his cool again—his knuckles are going white on his knees, he's pushing his pelvis up to meet Lukas's thrusts and it's at that moment that Lukas realizes he's been so focused on what Philip is doing that his orgasm has kind of snuck up on him—which sucks because he's been in there like barely two minutes—but it feels so unbelievably good that he's surprised he's lasted this long. 

He leans forward to kiss Philip and keeps thrusting—he might come and look like a tool but clearly Philip likes whatever he's doing to that bump in there and he'll be damned if he's going to stop doing what Philip likes. He feels shifting underneath him and Philip rests his right knee against Lukas's chest, and then a slippery hand slides down between their bodies and starts stroking up and down. Lukas glances down and nearly loses it at the sight of Philip's hand wrapped around his own dick, jerking himself off in tandem with Lukas's thrusts. 

"I'm close," Philip whispers, "you can come...if you need to..."

Lukas hasn't been paying attention to what he's been doing with like his face and his mouth but he's probably been making weird trying-not-to-orgasm faces and stuff, and that's the kind of thing Philip would be paying attention to, so it's not really surprising that he noticed. 

"Yeah, I think I’m about to—oh God," Lukas manages and then he comes _hard_ —the orgasm hits him like running face first into a brick wall—and he rocks inside Philip and pulses and pants through it, and notices somewhere in the back of his mind that there's hot wetness hitting his stomach and chest which means Philip is coming too—Philip surges up and kisses him hard, sloppily, and then he falls back onto the bed.

Lukas stays there for a second, and he has the ridiculous thought that maybe he can just spend the rest of his life here—inside Philip, looking into Philip's eyes, engulfing him...

"You can get out now," Philip gasps, "I need to put my legs down."

"Oh sorry," says Lukas, and he scrambles to pull out and move back. Philip lets his shaking legs fall inelegantly onto the bed and he spreads his arms out to the sides. Lukas removes the condom and holds it out in front of him.

"Tie it up so it doesn't leak and throw it out," Philip says, eyes closed. Lukas isn't sure how Philip even knew what he was about to ask. He clumsily knots the condom and deposits it in the trash next to Philip's bed, which is filled almost to the brim with used tissues. The condom sinks like a stone into the tissues. He grabs a couple clean ones from the box on the bedside table and wipes Philip’s jizz off of his own stomach and Philip’s, then throws that away too. Then he turns to collapse onto the bed, but finds Philip hasn't moved. 

"Can I get in on this?" he asks. 

"Nope," says Philip, still not opening his eyes and shaking his head back and forth, "I'm dead. Find somewhere else."

"If you say so," Lukas shrugs and pretends to start to get up. Philip cracks an eye open, but doesn't move otherwise. Lukas knows his bluff has been called. He shoves Philip's arm over and snuggles up into his side. 

"Fine," says Philip in a fake-exasperated voice, but he immediately counters it by nuzzling his nose into Lukas's hair.

"So that was romantic as shit," Lukas tells him, "was it like that the first time too?"

"Oh yeah," Philip says, "but this was better. Less blood."

"I made you bleed?!" Lukas snaps his head up and swats at Philip's chest, "You fucker, why did you let that happen?!"

"You're the fucker," Philip replies, not missing a beat, "You are the literal fucker. I'm the...uh...whatever the fucker fucks."

"The fuckee?" Lukas supplies. 

"Uh huh, sure," Philip says, clearly too lazy to come up with something better, "but yeah it was great. How was this for a second first time?"

"This might've been better than clearing the water on the 252 stroke," Lukas tells him. 

"You got shot when you tried to do that," Philip reminds him, "Are you saying this was only slightly better than getting shot in the chest? Because if that's true we're going to need to work on our technique."

"You know what I mean," Lukas rolls his eyes and then he looks into Philip's face. Philip looks relaxed, happy, his brown eyes soft and beautiful. 

"I love you," Lukas tells him gently, because it's the perfect moment to say it, and he's finally ready, and he knows what it'll mean to Philip to hear it. 

Philip's jaw tightens and Lukas pretends not to notice his glassy eyes. He lays his head down on Philip's chest to give Philip a second to compose himself.

"I love you too," he whispers thickly. Lukas reaches up blindly with his hand to stroke Philip's cheek. He still pretends not to notice the tears. 

They lie there like that for a long time, comfortable and quiet, Philip running his fingers through Lukas's hair, long naked limbs all tangled up together. Lukas doesn't even notice himself drifting off peacefully to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> This has been the most difficult smutfic I've ever written. Please let me know if you liked it =)
> 
> Also I'm on tumblr and my name is mischiefxmanager, if you had questions or comments that you just want to tell me you can always message me there! I love meeting new people online.


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